Living In Community
There was a lot to take note of this year as we closed out 2021, but one thing I kept coming back to was how we use language during the season of giving that reinforces limited conceptions of our neighbors. When we put adjectives in front of nouns, those nouns can feel one-dimensional. Think of terms like, “my messy daughter” or “my hippie brother.” These can define a person by something that is just one part of who they are. A dyslexic child is much more than a diagnosis. A homeless person is reduced to nothing more than their living situation.
When we put adjectives like “needy” in front of nouns like “family”, we create a false distinction. What has always been true but has become increasingly obvious during the pandemic is that there are not “needy” families and “need-less” families. Over the past few years, we have all seen a rise in Gofundme pages that are specifically to help out people who, for a variety of reasons, find themselves in need of support. Whether from a medical diagnosis, an unexpected death or a house fire, people who last year may have been giving the support, now find themselves needing support. To me, this is the very definition of being human.
A few years ago, former DEF team member Meagan Berardi, attended a conference session about tackling food insecurity. The session leaders mentioned that the goal was to “lighten the load” for families. That became the working name of our food insecurity initiative/program. To me, “Lighten the Load” implies that life can be hard, full, and surprising, and that DEF wants to be an organization that helps our community by lightening the load…even if that means removing one stressor from a long list of stressors. The phrase conjures a feeling of connectedness to me – sometimes our load is lightened through a Kroger gift card, other times with a grant for after-care, and other times by setting up a memorial page for donations to a scholarship fund. There is no one in our community who walks through life unchallenged.
For several years, I have been interested in moving DEF away from the more traditional charity model that defines our sector and towards one that honors the fact that we live in community and things are not fixed, but fluid. This concept is known as mutual aid.
According to the NonProfit Quarterly article from May 21, 2020 Beyond More: The Transformative Potential of Mutual Aid, “mutual aid, based on the idea that everyone has needs that should be met and that everyone has something to offer to help meet others’ needs, activates everyone as part of the solution, and thus has potential to get to the scale we need.
Philanthropy typically focuses on charitable giving, seldom asking recipients to also contribute to the pool of available resources. Mutual Aid roots itself in the notion that if we all contribute, we come closer to making sure that everyone’s needs are met. Mutual aid, in comparison to charity, is not just a transactional exchange, but also a much-needed exercise in being in community with one another.”
During the pandemic, families who had never reached out for support found themselves needing help with childcare during virtual learning. Some families lost income, some battled hospital stays, and the pandemic created needs across our community. We have often received gifts from families who have been on the receiving end of support and want to pay it forward.
I aspire to make DEF an organization that works in partnership with all families to meet needs for our kids. This year, we are finding ways to do this with more intentionality, funding student-led initiatives and working with neighborhood residents so they can identify the needs of their neighbors.
A few months ago (or maybe it was last year – who can really tell in Covid-time), I received this lovely email, which really captures the essence of this shift:
Thank you for sharing, Gail. I just recently wrote Drew about volunteering. You all have been a blessing to me and my family since we moved into the area in April 2020. I pray that we can continue to be a blessing to each other. Thank you so kindly for everything always.
As we enter the third year of the pandemic, may we honor the fact that we live in community, and may we continue to be a blessing to each other.
Graphic by Alexandra Jonas and published in NonProfit Quarterly.